The Quality In Your Approach

EPISODE

In this second teaching of my seven-part Winter’s Edge Soul Care series, we explore the reverence of approach—how the way we meet our inner life shapes what becomes possible in return. Drawing from Francis Weller and John O’Donohue, I reflect on why reverence, softness, curiosity, and humility open us to revelation, while judgment, rushing, and spiritual intensity close the aperture of perception. Along the way, I share the handwritten notes I leave for my future self in my holiday boxes each year, an unexpected teaching about “silent elders,” and the origins of the House of Blue. You’ll learn how to shift the stance of your attention so the sacred, the subtle, and the mysterious can come forward. This episode invites you to slow down, listen deeply, and approach your soul—and your life—with a gentler, more spacious heart.

SUMMARY

This episode opens with a ritual of discovery: Alexander finds two handwritten notes tucked inside his holiday décor boxes — messages from his past self reminding him that winter is coming, encouraging him to spend less, choose devotion, honor the festival of lights, stay outside, and embrace not knowing. These notes offer a living example of how small rituals shape the quality of our approach to winter, to soul work, and to life itself.

From here, we enter the second teaching in the Winter’s Edge Soul Care series: reverence. Drawing from Francis Weller’s In the Absence of the Ordinary and John O’Donohue’s Beauty: The Invisible Embrace, Alexander explores O’Donohue’s teaching:
“What you encounter, recognize, or discover depends to a large degree on the quality of your approach. When we approach with reverence, great things decide to approach us.”

Alexander unpacks how reverence becomes a powerful shift in inner posture — one that invites revelation rather than forcing it. He weaves in personal stories: the emergence of the House of Blue, the idea of becoming a “silent elder” in queer community, the wisdom of tending to the holiday season with intention, and even the sweetness of choosing cashmere as a ritual of warmth and care.

Francis Weller’s teachings deepen the exploration:

• Nothing changes in an atmosphere of judgment.

• Reverence widens the aperture of our perception, allowing holiness to reveal itself.

• Two solitudes meeting with reverence can create a “third body”—an intimacy born of affection, whether between people, art, or the natural world.

• A reverent stance honors mystery rather than rushing past it.

Throughout the episode, Alexander invites listeners to slow the frantic pace of modern life, soften into presence, step out of breathlessness, and allow the soul to find them. He closes with Ilka and Weller’s reminder that praise itself is a spiritual practice, and ends the episode with the ringing of a bell—a symbol of awakening, continuity, and connection among Wise Circle students across time.

The episode concludes with an invitation to join Winter Wise Circle, beginning January 6th, a six-week spiritual retreat and listening circle for soul siblings ready to deepen their practice.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• The Quality of Your Approach Shapes What Meets You
  Following O’Donohue, reverence creates conditions for revelation, while rushing, judgment, and spiritual intensity constrict possibilities.

• Reverence Begins in Small, Personal Rituals
  Holiday notes to self, the choice to spend less, time outside, devotion, and symbolic reminders like “winter is coming” demonstrate how approach is cultivated through intention.

• Silent Eldering & House of Blue
  Alexander reflects on becoming a “silent elder” in queer community and the origins of House of Blue — a homegrown lineage of presence, cheer, compassion, and authenticity.

• Judgment Blocks Transformation
  Weller’s reminder: nothing changes in the presence of judgment. Shifting to reverence opens the aperture of perception and widens our capacity to experience holiness.

• Reverence Creates Intimacy
  Two solitudes meeting with humility and openness can form a “third body,” an intimacy of affection—whether between humans, creative work, or the breathing world around us.

• Praise as a Spiritual Practice
  Ilka’s teaching — “to praise is the whole thing” — reframes praise as a doorway into connection, mystery, and the sacred.

• Soul Work Requires Gentleness, Not Urgency
  Listeners are invited to step out of frantic modern pace, slow down, breathe intentionally, and approach inner life with humility and openness.